Local Video
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| Grief demands support system |
By: JACI SMITH, Managing Editor
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Posted: Friday, November 14, 2008 10:05 pm
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The Saturday after Barbara Knaak and her husband John returned from a romantic getaway to Italy, John became ill.
Sunday morning, they went to Northfield’s hospital. By Sunday afternoon, they were at Abbott Northwestern in the Twin Cities, and John was on a ventilator.
Twelve days later, he was gone, a victim of Legionnaire’s disease, picked up in a foreign hotel.
John’s unexpected death left what Barbara has described as a “crater that is created in the center of your body, the one that nothing can fill.”
For weeks, Barbara sought the solace of those who’ve experienced similar tragedies, but she couldn’t find any support groups until she stumbled across one at St. Peter’s Lutheran Church.
That was nearly four years ago.
“First, I had to go to St. Peter’s to help myself,” she said. “But that’s also what got me going on this. There’s very little in this community in terms of support for grief.”
So, she started with her own church, St. John’s, starting a successful grief support group there. Barbara said she got a lot of calls from people interested, and that got her thinking she needed to broaden the reach of her little group.
She hosted a meeting in July with others interested in grief support, and three meetings later, the Northfield Grief Support Coalition had groups scheduled and a brochure that was circulating at churches, hospitals, clinics and funeral homes.
It’s now in its second printing.
Barbara continues to be amazed at how our culture views grief. There’s this feeling that somehow we should get “over it” sooner, and that it’s weak to not be able to without support.
Grief is debilitating. Studies have shown that when not dealt with, grief and other difficult emotions can cause physical and mental illness.
And then there are the comments that come from well-wishers.
“It’s so hard to hear the one ... ‘well, he’s in a better place’,” Barbara said. “Why is it a better place? I think right here next to me is a better place. That’s where I want him. Those emotions are hard to deal with alone.”
Barbara and her co-organizers have a full calendar of groups and events through next July in their brochure. Barbara just started another group that has six members at St. John’s three weeks ago.
While each facilitator leads their group differently, Barbara says it’s about giving people who are grieving a chance to share stories of their loved ones.
“It’s basically about saying ‘you’re not alone’,” Barbara said.
And people grieve about more than a loved one dying. Those who are grieving job loss, the end of a relationship or divorce can find solace in Barbara’s groups. One woman showed up recently to the group having lost a mother and a sister within months. The final whammy was that her husband lost his job.
“I don’t think you ever get over it,” Barbara said. “But with these groups maybe you can learn from others who have found their way through the grief and then in turn help others do the same.”
For more information, on the Northfield Grief Support Coalition, contact Barbara knaak via e-mail at bknaak4@charter.net, or by calling her at 664-0444.
— Reach Jaci Smith at jsmith@northfieldnews.com or 645-1116. |
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I don't have any affiliation with Barbara or the group, but thank you for writing and printing this story about grief and mental health.